


The Golden Hour

by faithinthepoor



Series: Rizzoli and Isles [11]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place following Brown Eyed Girl</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Golden Hour

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [Body of Evidence](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621139), [Locard’s Principle](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621144), [Sex Crimes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621154), [Post-Mortem](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621169), [M'Naghten Rules](http://archiveofourown.org/works/622535), [Genetic Markers](http://archiveofourown.org/works/622575), [Internal Affairs](http://archiveofourown.org/works/625031), [Cause of Death](http://archiveofourown.org/works/629923), [Following Procedure](http://archiveofourown.org/works/631546) and [Margin of Error](http://archiveofourown.org/works/636952)

The Golden Hour  
It has been a strange evening for her. That anything can rank as strange after she spent two days searching for the abducted daughter of her ex-partner is telling. She has no problem with the fact that they closed the case by drinking a few too many beers, it had been a rough couple of days and they deserved that, it’s the way the evening ended that has left her feeling unravelled.

For the most part her parents’ separation has been encapsulated by her mother’s distress and Jane has only thought about it in such terms. Even when her mother held the yard sale she failed to realise the ramifications. It wasn’t until this evening that she registered the extent of her loss.

She is not a child. Her parents’ divorce isn’t going to rock her sense of worth or set her off on some sort of self destructive path of antisocial behaviour and substance abuse. Her life is already established and she is too old to be bounced back and forth between her parents’ homes like a wayward hockey puck. Although, when she thinks about it, that might be preferable to the level of contact she has with her mother at present. The way her mother has managed to lodge herself firmly into Jane’s social and work life makes Janes want to pull her own teeth out. 

What was eye opening about this evening was that it ended at Maura’s place. Not that it’s unusual for Jane to end an evening there but it is odd to be there with her team, Frankie Jr and her mother. In a way it was very much a family gathering and it made Jane realise that her family has changed. 

Her close knit Italian-American family has dropped quite a few stitches. They don’t even have a home anymore. Her father might still be living there but she doesn’t know how long that will last and even if he stays it’s not their home. In some ways that house was a bigger constant to her than her parents and is difficult to feel she is losing it. She doesn’t want to be without the place where she skinned her knee, snuck in hoping her mother wouldn’t smell the cigarette smoke and got her brothers into trouble. So much of her life is in that house. Not just her childhood but milestones in her adult life too. She doesn’t want to think about other people creating memories on the steps where Jane Rizzoli first kissed Maura Isles

It is equally disconcerting to discover just how big a part of her life Maura has really become. Maura isn’t just housing Jane’s mother, she is hosting family get togethers. Maura is a much more dutiful daughter than Jane. Lately it seems like she is walking a tightrope when it comes to her relationship with Maura and it’s frightening to know that if she loses her balance and falls off it will have major implications for a lot of people in her life.

She shouldn’t complain. Not when everyone she loves is safe and sound. Dan and Nicole Mateo should be the ones complaining. Unlike the James family they got their daughter back but Jane seriously doubts that Mandy will ever be the same. Rizzoli is no stranger to the evil than men do or the things that go bump in the night but a 13 year old shouldn’t have to know that horror. At that age Mandy should be aware that there is bad in the world but she shouldn’t have to jump at every shadow. Mandy won’t even be able to trust a message from her friends because there will always be a little voice in the back of her mind telling her she is being lured to her death.

Jane tries to push those thoughts out of her mind and to focus on the present. The guests have scattered and her mother has retreated back to her own little corner of Maura’s abode leaving Jane and Maura with the clean up. Maura attends to that task with meticulous attention. Jane’s role is more along the lines of leaning on the counter and watching Maura work.

When everything gleans to a standard that means you could probably use it for a surgical procedure Maura is finally satisfied. The doctor straightens the glasses one last time and then turns to Jane, “We did well today.”

“Yes we did. So why do I still feel like it was too late?”

“I don’t think the Mateo family feel that.”

“I knew Mandy when she was a baby. She was such a happy little girl. She won’t ever be happy like that again.”

“Developmentally it is very difficult for people to maintain the happiness they had as a child. Presuming of course that they had the kind of nurturing and stable environment necessary to produce secure attachment in the first place.”

“Well Mandy had that and kind of upbringing and whether or not life would have beaten her down in the end I don’t think it’s fair that she had her innocence ripped from her so cruelly.”

“You were quick to find her. It could have been so much worse.”

“We were lucky that she was still alive and we were way too late to save Sophie.”

“Jane, Sophie was gone before you even knew of her existence. You can’t hold yourself responsible for her death.”

“It boggles my mind that after all she must have been through that she would be willing to protect a girl she didn’t know.”

“Maybe she did that because of what she went through and without her sacrifice you might never have found Mandy.”

“You were a big help in that department.”

“I guess I was,” Maura can’t seem to look Jane in the eye.

“Hey don’t downplay things. Without you we wouldn’t have known about the licence plate or the teeth water thing.”

“Teeth water sounds like something someone leaves their dentures in overnight, it wasn’t teeth water,” Maura states.

“Did you or did you not know about the water based on what you learnt from the teeth.”

“I did,” the doctor admits.

“Well then I stand by teeth water.”

“That is a highly inaccurate term.”

“And yet I’m going to be able to live with that error. Also, I bet one day you will break a case based on dentures in a glass of water and when that day comes I will be sure to remind you of the importance of teeth water.”

“I can hardly wait,” Maura scowls at her.

“I’m still grateful for the assistance you provided in this case. I truly believe we wouldn’t have found Mandy without your help.”

“Thank you,” once again Maura seems to be having difficulty looking Jane in the eye.

“What’s the matter? Do you think something was wrong in your scientific technique?”

“There is nothing wrong with my science but there was something wrong with my approach. I don’t think I’m doing all that well.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was talking to the dead girl.”

“You always do that.”

“No Jane, normally the dead people talk to me.”

“Oh cause that is so much less crazy.”

“They don’t literally talk. The evidence talks for them.”

“But you were literally talking to the dead girl?”

“Yes.” Maura nods and looks completely stricken.

“I do that sometimes. I talk to them. I make promises to them that I will find the person who did this.”

“Yes but that is you.”

“You make it sound like I’m a dullard.”

“Not at all. You are just more prone to emotion than I am.”

“Well we can’t all be as advanced and detached as you are Maura.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“But that is how you see things,” she is certain that there is nothing she can ever do to make Maura think that she is intelligent. She knows she’s not the genius that Maura is but she’s not asking to be, she doesn’t need the burden of that kind of gift. It would be nice, however, if Maura saw her as something closer to a peer.

“I don’t have those skills. It would be ok if I could look at it as a sign of progress but I’m certain that’s not the case. I’m certain it means I’m unstable.”

Now Jane feels guilty for judging Maura, “What do you think is troubling you?”

Maura doesn’t say anything she just looks at Jane with big eyes.

“Are you accusing me of making you crazy?”

“I’m not saying it’s intentional but it hurts me that you’ve not given any indication that what we did over the phone the other night happened.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was making things easier for both of us.”

“Well you weren’t,” Maura says with more venom than Jane is used to seeing from her. “I used to be able to separate sex from feelings. I could see sex as a biological function. I can’t do that anymore. The whole Giovanni incident proved that.”

“Maura that’s not a bad thing.”

“It is when you don’t want me to want you,” tears falls down Maura’s face and before Jane thinks about it she is in front of Maura wiping them away with her thumbs.

“If only that was the real problem.”

“Are you saying you do want me to want you?”

“I’m saying this is a terrible job that tears people apart. Look at what happened to the Dan and Nicole. I don’t want that for us.”

“I don’t accept that.”

“The statistics for cop marriages are bad.”

“That doesn’t mean that failure is a fait accompli.”

“I can’t believe that you of all people want to argue with statistics.”

“Statistics denote trends, they don’t predict outcomes.”

“Are you trying to tell me that we don’t need to be a statistic?” Jane feels a surge of warmth through her body.

“I guess I’m saying I believe that we could beat the odds even though I know there is no logical reason for me to think that. See there really is something wrong with me.” Maura holds her hands in a gesture of surrender.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jane pushes Maura’s hair behind her ears, “you are completely lovely.”

“Just not lovely enough,” Maura says with a sniffle and then looks appalled with herself for having displayed such an unladylike gesture.

“I’ve never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. Your nonverbal communication has made it perfectly clear.”

“Maura I don’t think I can give you what you need.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m already disappearing,” Maura says softly.

“No you’re not. You’re just in pain. It happens to all of us.”

“Well I don’t like it and I don’t want it.”

“Sweetheart I care about you so much but I’m not going to sleep with you just to make you feel better.”

“That seems like a perfectly good reason to sleep with me.”

Jane lets her arms slide around Maura’s waist. “I promise that no matter what I will be there for you. I can’t tell you what the future holds but I know I can’t do this now.”

“That’s better than a no,” Maura replies and wraps her arms around Jane’s neck.

“I’m going to go now,” Jane informs Maura. She needs to get out of there. Fast.

“I think you should stay.”

“I’m still going to go,” Jane places a kiss on Maura’s cheek and then extricates herself from the embrace.

Maura doesn’t offer any further protests but as Jane walks to her car she can feel Maura’s eyes on her and it takes all of her will power to stop her from going back. Jane would prefer that things were simpler and she hates that she feels she is losing a battle with her feelings. However complications and potential defeat seem like a small price to pay when she gets to have Maura in her life.


End file.
